Il Cavaliere Inesistente

If only If only you knew What I knew Of trust And betrayal If only you felt What I felt The agony And despair Most people would probably say that 2020 is like the worst year ever, right? This year has been plagued with one tragedy after another and we are only halfway through it! Anyway, the following is an unpopular opinion of a particular guy: 2019 is actually way worse. Now before you go after him with pitchforks and torches, please allow him to provide you with the context in which such a statement would make total sense.  "OK Google/ Hey Siri, play I'm Not The Only One by Sam Smith." On the fateful day that is 2 June 2019, he was having home-cooked noodles at her place as breakfast while brooding over his postgraduate study. You see, he had an appointment the next day with his supervisor and the lack of progress on the writing of his literature review had been weighing him down for weeks. Then it happened. "Let's break up." It must have taken his brain...

Death comes to us all O yes it does Swift as a bolt of lightning Silent as a tiger stalking its prey Will I lay in eternal slumber Or will I rise again someday Oh please don’t let tears roll down your cheeks darling  How I wish I could be there right now to stop you from crying And as much as I would like to stay Even for a second more My time has come and so I’ve got to go But remember what they used to say? A person will live on in the memory of others Where time is perpetual and there’s no sorrow My journey might have been short but it sure was meaningful And I hope you feel the same way too Even though I might be gone And life still has to go on All I ask is that I won’t be forgotten Told myself I’ll forever be grateful no matter what happens For at least we’ve got each other And unlike life the love we share will never expire As the sun sets and stars take over the sky Perhaps it’s ...

I used to have a love-hate relationship with festive seasons, more so when it comes to Christmas, and New Year too since it is celebrated only a few days after the former and both are closely associated. At 12 a.m. sharp I would compose my own text messages, hoping that recipients who consist of those that I care about the most would feel the sincerity, albeit in its electronic form. Yet lately I seem to have lost that enthusiasm, that fire which kindles my heart to share the spirit of whatever festivity, and I say so solemnly. I sometimes find myself lamenting the fact that what used to mean a lot to one would eventually lost its meaning somehow, though in some remote cases there are exceptions. Mostly what's left are broken memories, remnants of our former selves which we are unable to let go, and believe me they will forever be there, haunting us wherever we go. My mouth remains shut, though my eyes see, and it's excruciatingly difficult to play dumb; there will always be wo...

An awfully familiar scent  picked up from a total stranger; a bewildered me, the invisible you. It's nothing but old memories, that are perpetually new. Scars in time may fade away, the ghost of you is here to stay. Away from my dreams please go away, you've painted my whole life gray. We aren't so perfect to our dismay, “说的做的再多也是无谓， 不愿放手只会让彼此更累。” yet nothing I say could make you sway. Your trust in me I foolishly betray, 无法原谅自己的愚昧， learnt my lesson through the hard way, 当初不该将你的爱浪费， guess sorrow's the price I have to pay. Nights without you 真的好黑好黑， when I'm crying alone 多想有个人陪， even today 还是忘不了你的美。 Never will I put one's heart to play, ever till my dying day. Days and nights have since then passed, you and I we broke apart, 如今你不再是囚鸟自由的飞， 我却依旧在为过往而忏悔。 On my death bed I feebly lay, still regretful for the hurtful words I say. truly wish that I could 回到过去擦干你的泪。 Atoning for my sins if I still m...

大学毕业以后，人生进入了另一个阶段。在这人生旅途中，很幸运的遇到了许多一直以来包容我、扶持我的人；或者是家人、朋友、又或者是陌生的一张脸孔，这一切都不重要。 在累积美好回忆的当儿，岁月的流逝难免还是会为这短暂的人生带来一些些的感慨，毕竟完美这回事终究是可望不可及，一味的执著只会让所有事情更加的不堪。 旧地重游，曾经多么熟悉的一切竟然人事已非，叫人怎么不叹息岁月匆匆啊？道别后，昔日的情人知己尽已分道扬镳：有的事业有成、有的结婚生子、更有的两者皆如意。在为大家高兴的当儿，失落的心情也静悄悄的潜入了心里。虽然说这些年来都过得很好，却始终抹不去那一份若有所失的感觉。偶尔会不禁地问问自己，生命到底有什么意义。看来，我又开始情绪化了。 打从踏入职场后，悠闲似乎离得我好远好远。有些时候我真的好想放下肩上扛着的重担歇一歇，甚至是放下一切远走高飞我也在所不惜，走得越远越好。但人总是得活在现实中，即使我有多么的不愿，职责还是得要履行，且不单是为了我自己，也同时为家人、朋友、社会等的前途而打拼。衷心地希望有一天所付出的一切会为世界带来一丁点的美好，哪怕它有多渺小。值得与否，至少努力过就好。 懂我的人应该都知道我是多么的虚伪，为了保护自己而时常戴上不同的面具迎人。话说回来，知道了又如何？人，就是得随机应变，在这适者生存的社会里，更为如此。最近常把因果这词挂在嘴边，不是因为我害怕会遭天谴，也并非我奢望得到什么回报。简单来说，我从小就被灌输类似的一个概念：得饶人处且饶人；处在相同的情况下你希望他人如何对待你，你便如何对待他人。讽刺的是，如此一个概念常让我陷入为难中，尤其是当情况不允许我仁慈的时候，我却偏偏很不下心来。看来，要把这本性移掉的话恐怕非请愚公不可了。坦白说，我还是与周公交情较为深厚，所以狠心这一回事还是算了吧。 无论一个人言行上有多坏多冷酷，他的内心深处还是渴望着被疼爱与珍惜。不要放弃希望，更不要为了一些无谓的事情而迷失了自己。要知道，快乐并不全取自于自身的享受，而是在于将喜悦分享给他人当中。 P.S. 原以为想在此宣泄一下情绪，没想到中途却转了念，像个老人般地谈起人生来。无论如何，愿有缘听我倾诉的你生命中的每一天都是那么的美好。 :)

You'd think that it's easy being me. Well, can't really blame you for that because it does appear to be so most of the times. Throughout these years I've been learning how to control my emotions and it does seem in this case that I've done a pretty good job haven't I? It's been quite a while since I last posted anything to my blog but today I'm not here for the sake of updating. "Many a time words that we don't mean get said; those that we do, they kept buried deep inside" (Myself, 2012). Have you ever wondered why our mouths can talk for so long and so eloquently yet only so little of which came out are meaningful? I can say for one that most often than not we talk faster than we actually think, that's why. If there's one thing that I know for sure about life it'd be that you can never judge a book by its cover, just as pictures of most people found on Facebook can never be trusted. Let me give you another example: The tear...

About 2, 3 days ago I was surfing the web aimlessly like a zombie and suddenly I have the urge to listen to 领悟 by 辛晓琪. Yes it's one of those nights when emotions take over and I'm not even bothered to hold them off in case it gets overwhelming. What a classic! It is so melancholic and thus I can't help but to feel depressed. How long has it been? Sometimes I have this feeling of disdain towards myself for being so selfish. I know I'm not supposed to vanish into thin air just like that but somehow I got lost. So many things have happened and ignorance brought me unspeakable guilt. I should have been there by your side. Should have. What's the point of saying it now huh? Coming back to the song, its lyrics are actually pretty meaningful. However, it was the title that caught my attention - 领悟. For those who know Chinese or Mandarin Chinese to be precise, there're differences between 知道、了解 and 领悟. Correct me if I'm wrong but I guess it's fair for me to ...

I've always known his songs but the idea of buying his original album 黑色柳丁never occurred to me, not even in dreams. Yet somehow it became the very first original album that I've bought and it happened back when I was still a secondary school student. Ah... The good old days.  How delighted am I when I found out that all the songs contained in the album are beautiful. Speaking of which, something or someone triggered this writing and so here I would like to share one of his songs from the album with her and all of you as well. The title of the song is 蝴蝶 and the lyrics goes: 當這世界已經準備將我遺棄　像一個傷兵被留在孤獨荒野裡 開始懷疑我存在有沒有意義　在別人眼裡我似乎變成了隱形 難道失敗就永遠翻不了身　誰來挽救墬落的靈魂 每次一見到你　心裡好平靜　就像一隻蝴蝶飛過廢墟 我又能活下去　我又找回勇氣　你的愛像氧氣幫忙我呼吸 我又能呼吸　我又能呼吸　你就是不願意放棄 生命中充滿亂七八糟的問題　像走在沒有出口的那個迷宮裡　oh no 一次又一次只會用藉口逃避　怎麼你從來沒對我徹底的死心 我有何德何能值得你珍惜　為何你對我有求必應 每次一想到你　像雨過天晴　看見一隻蝴蝶飛過廢墟 是那麼的美麗　就像一個奇蹟　讓我從倒下的地方站起　Woo.... 只要一靠近你　就覺得安心　你看著我的眼沒有懷疑 你對我的相信　讓我又能重生　不管世界多冷我還有你　我有你 愛我這樣的人對你來說不容易　我的痛苦你也經歷 你是唯一　陪我到天堂與地...

Found something inspirational today and thought it'd be a good idea to share it. :) "It is necessary to write, if the days are not to slip emptily by. How else, indeed, to clap the net over the butterfly of the moment? for the moment passes, it is forgotten; the mood is gone; life itself is gone. That is where the writer scores over his fellows: he catches the changes of his mind on the hop. Growth is exciting; growth is dynamic and alarming. Growth of the soul, growth of the mind; how the observation of last year seems childish, superficial; how this year — even this week — even with this new phrase — it seems to us that we have grown to a new maturity. It may be a fallacious persuasion, but at least it is stimulating, and so long as it persists, one does not stagnate." ~Vita Sackville-West~ For more inspiring words from the author, kindly refer to  http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Vita_Sackville-West .

To quote a friend of mine: "You know it's already late at night but somehow you don't feel like going to sleep for no apparent reason". Perhaps there's the notion that life is indeed short and one has got to enjoy it to the fullest, even if it means just sitting there lost in one's own thoughts.  Come to think of it, this unwillingness to sleep seems to exist on two extremes: heavenly joy and hellish despair. You're either losing those precious moments of happiness while sleeping or you could at the same time slip into unpleasant nightmares depending on how you're feeling at that time. For me, I choose to stay awake because there's a void inside me that I can't seem to fill.  Despite the fact that I'm pretty exhausted after coming back from work, I don't really feel like sleeping. I guess I could have lived in a fortress with maximum security and yet felt insecure. Sometimes I just need someone whom I could talk to, perhaps someon...

Looking at  the moon tonight, so big and full  and lovely and bright, casting down  a romantic light, I suddenly wonder  how it's like, to be walking on the moon  if I just might. As for you my love  who's on the other side, how I wish  you're right beside, so I can hold you  oh so tight, and get with you  on a long long flight, to a place  where our hearts reside, together forever  side by side. We're born  we've met  we'll wed  and eventually die, but though there'll be  an end to life, my love for you  will never subside, today tomorrow will always be like, the first day we met on the 8th of July.

14th of February, needless for me to remind you, it's Valentine's Day. The first thought that came to most if not all of you must've been love and romance. Well, that's what the society has imposed on us. In return, we accepted the idea without question. Why? I guess it's pretty simple: We need something to believe in, we need something to hold onto, perhaps what we need is a little hope that there's still love out there for us. In a sense this thirst for love is universal because everyone celebrates it regardless of race, religion, age, sex etc. I could be wrong but it's just a personal hypothesis of mine. As this widely celebrated day approaches its end this year, let us take some time to ponder or reflect on this thing known as love. Love can be tangible, intangible or even both depending on the context and how you see it. I believe that many of us often see love in couples infatuated with each other, holding hands and doing whatever that reminds yo...

*Spoiler: This article has got nothing to do with spring cleaning at all.* I never really know how it feels like to be working full-time. Well, at least not until recently. That feeling of one being bound to responsibilities is just... heavy? lol I'm not supposed to be joking since it's something serious but then again, " Why so serious ?" to quote The Joker. *Sigh* I guess it requires a lot of effort when one is in a commitment huh? That is one of the reasons why I can barely blog nowadays. The moment I got back from work all I can think of is to relax my body as well as my mind. It's funny how I always thought of hanging out or doing other activities when I'm still at work but I end up going to bed early or laze at home at the end of the day. You can imagine how it's like when it requires strength for you to go out and enjoy yourself. Sounds kind of pathetic and exaggerated but it's just to give you a rough idea of how it's like to be working. Y...

Finally I managed to finish The Five People You Meet In Heaven. I'm not doing a review here but let me just say that it's a book that's worth reading. I came across the book when I was still in secondary school and my friend told me that it was a masterpiece but it just so happened that I never really have the chance to give it a good read. Well, better late than never. Sometimes I have the feeling that even I don't understand myself. My indecisiveness renders me helpless when I'm faced with dilemmas. I've recently started my working life and to be honest there's an awful lot to be learnt, some through the easy way and some through the hard way. Either way it's still a lesson learnt which money can't buy and I'm trying hard to accept everything that happens, regardless of it's nature. I can start complaining but then it'll probably make me sound like a crybaby, I do whine, but only when it's necessary. There are times that one fee...

Wherever I go I see shades of gray, especially when I surf (the internet that is). Behind every smiling face lies a spirit, broken and forlorn. I came across a video which is featured on YouTube the other day entitled Sintel . It says there "must watch - in HD", so I did, for 2 reasons: 1.) I really enjoy watching HD videos and 2.) It's an animation created using a Free and Open Source Software. Before I even finished watching the animation - due to a technical problem, namely the HTML5 player beta - I've already shared it on Facebook. What? You didn't manage to catch it because it was posted too early in the morning (2:41am)? Ok, here you go then. Sintel in HD (1080p) If anyone happens to read this post, there will be spoilers in the following part so you might want to watch the video before reading further. For those who think that it's a waste of time, well, it's not like I can't make you watch it can I? LOL Amoto queramus seria ludo . I ended...

Woke up from a bizarre dream this rainy afternoon. In the dream I saw a lot of beautiful girls and when I say beautiful I seriously mean it. But when I came across a skinny, pale girl dressed in black with ponytail my mind went blank. I forgot all about the other girls that I've seen previously in the dream. It's such a special feeling, it's... mesmerizing. Sadly, a dream's a dream no matter how sweet it is. I enjoyed having it nevertheless, and that is what counts. For a moment it struck me that she was the one for me and since she appeared in my dream it made her my dreamgirl. Well, it's just a simple notion. What I'm trying to get across is the feeling you have when you are with someone you like and wish to spend the rest of your lives together. Maybe I'm overreacting to a dream for some but to me it's significant. So often did we wake up from sleep forgetting what we've dreamt of just moments ago. However, some linger on our mind while others hau...

Alas, 3 years is not so long a period of time after all and soon enough we must bid each other farewell. Are we going to miss each other? Well, that is one question that I am unable to answer because I am not everyone and definitely I can’t speak on their behalf. What I do know is that my performance is not so good in this final exam. After the first paper I felt a great disappointment but not for the second or third one. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m satisfied with them but I think numb is the word to describe me. I come to know that sometimes, there is something that you have no control over it or whatsoever, just like the weather. *Sigh* How long have we known each other? 3 years? Ok, maybe we are not that close on the first or second year but technically speaking we have known each other for 3 years now. No? Time can really do wonders and I believe one of them is that it got us closer. On the other hand, it is also possible that time made us took each other for gra...

Some people don’t like to be alone and I happen to be one of them. It makes one feel helpless and you wonder if there’s a purpose to your very existence. As a consequence, some surrender themselves to lifestyles that are filled with noise and excitement of all kind regardless of the consequences. Some choose to keep everything to themselves, thinking that if the world doesn’t care about me then why the hell should I give a damn about it? Personally, I do not belong to either of the mentioned category. Nevertheless, I do not enjoy loneliness because I tend to think too much whenever I feel that I have been left out. I feel vulnerable, I feel insecure, and I feel down when I’m faced with loneliness. But sometimes, just sometimes, loneliness is good for one. It gives you a chance to reflect on life and identify its purpose. At the end of the day, one must realize that we are eventually on our own out there. Nobody can actually be there for you 24/7. Family is considered as close but ...

I wake up one day to find that I can no longer write the way I used to write anymore. Is it because I’ve not been writing for a long time? Or is it because the passion and inspiration have been forgotten? I do not have the answer to this question, nor have I the answer to other questions. I must admit that I am the kind of person who keeps everything to himself. Loud and elaborative I might seem but all my true feelings are being hid deep inside my heart. Nobody has access to it, not even me because it reminds me of the irony that I’m living in. The problem with this system is that just like any storage device, it has its storage limit. Should it reach its limit once in a while, you can expect a tidal wave in my emotions. Sometimes I try to convey my thoughts in a more stylistic way but it always end up too be too abstract that people can’t really get what I mean, especially those whom the message was intended to. Recently I am really upset. Something keeps lingering in my mind and I c...