If only
If only you knew
What I knew
Of trust
And betrayal
If only you felt
What I felt
The agony
And despair
Most people would probably say that 2020 is like the worst year ever, right? This year has been plagued with one tragedy after another and we are only halfway through it! Anyway, the following is an unpopular opinion of a particular guy: 2019 is actually way worse. Now before you go after him with pitchforks and torches, please allow him to provide you with the context in which such a statement would make total sense.
"OK Google/ Hey Siri, play I'm Not The Only One by Sam Smith."
On the fateful day that is 2 June 2019, he was having home-cooked noodles at her place as breakfast while brooding over his postgraduate study. You see, he had an appointment the next day with his supervisor and the lack of progress on the writing of his literature review had been weighing him down for weeks. Then it happened. "Let's break up." It must have taken his brain minutes to process those simple words because it was the last thing he would have expected from someone who had spent the last 6.5 years in a relationship with him. Everything seemed fine up to that moment, and to be completely honest he wasn't sure how to react given the sudden nature of what seems to be a preposterous proposal. Maybe she just needed some time to get over some unknown dissatisfaction. Maybe it was something that he said or did earlier in the morning. Apparently, that loving feeling had begun fading two years prior and all the disappointments accumulated over said period had culminated in her uttering those devastating words.
In retrospect, he should have seen it coming as there are times when he felt stifled as well and their relationship being a long distance one had only made things all the more difficult. Anyway, they went out as usual later that day and he was grateful that the she had made up her mind to stay. But he had never been so wrong in his entire life. After leaving the next day, he was told that the breakup was official and not knowing what else to say he wished her all the best in her future endeavours.
It took three weeks for him to finally realise what had happened and he was overwhelmed by a sense of dread and loss. He suppose the mind's defense mechanism had to finally take a break from deceiving itself so when the feelings came they hit so damn hard it almost killed him, like literally. For the next two months or so he tried his best to salvage what's left of the relationship while feeling severely depressed. He couldn't eat or sleep properly and as a result lost a considerable amount of weight. Under normal circumstances he would be overjoyed with the latter but all he felt was guilt and anxiety. Perhaps it's irrational to think that the failure of a relationship is the sole responsibility of one party but he wasn't exactly thinking straight at that point in time. He would literally feel his heart aching thinking it was all his fault, that he could and should have been a better boyfriend. He wasn't even sure he could make it to the end of 2019 alive, yet he did thanks to a revelation.
Life is full of surprises, wouldn't you agree? It turned out that he had, indeed, been too hard on himself for trying to take all the blame. Long story short, the issue involved more than just the two of them and he hopes you can already see the point that he is trying to get across. Sure, one can argue that there is no longer that warm and fuzzy feeling between two people so there really is no point in sticking together any longer. A breakup might even be a good thing if one were to look at the bright side. Despite all that, being unfaithful is still wrong. At least have the decency to end a relationship before starting a new one. Perhaps the worst is her unwillingness to explain the situation when being confronted. Come to think of it, they have never been really good at communicating their thoughts and feelings with each other. Today, she is just somebody that he used to know. With such a devastating discovery and no proper closure, there is just no way that he could look back at their memories without a sense of disdain or spite, let alone forgive. As for her, she has probably already gotten over it with the help of the other person(s).
C'est la vie.
P.S. It doesn't matter who the people in this story are, just pray and hope that you'll never become one of them.
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