About 2, 3 days ago I was surfing the web aimlessly like a zombie and suddenly I have the urge to listen to 领悟 by 辛晓琪. Yes it's one of those nights when emotions take over and I'm not even bothered to hold them off in case it gets overwhelming. What a classic! It is so melancholic and thus I can't help but to feel depressed.
How long has it been? Sometimes I have this feeling of disdain towards myself for being so selfish. I know I'm not supposed to vanish into thin air just like that but somehow I got lost. So many things have happened and ignorance brought me unspeakable guilt. I should have been there by your side. Should have. What's the point of saying it now huh?
Coming back to the song, its lyrics are actually pretty meaningful. However, it was the title that caught my attention - 领悟. For those who know Chinese or Mandarin Chinese to be precise, there're differences between 知道、了解 and 领悟. Correct me if I'm wrong but I guess it's fair for me to say that they each represent a different level of understanding and according to depth they should be arranged in this order: 知道 > 了解 > 领悟 where it gets deeper towards the end. So, what's so fascinating about it? Well, one has usually got to experience something in order for them to 领悟 and it just so happens to me that at this stage I have really got to be better at coming to realization with reality. Alas, with each passing day I become older but not wiser.
Everybody has a past: some choose to accept it, some try to deny it; some are happy with it, others, not so much. There are dark ages too in my history and some secrets are kept hidden in a place where I myself wouldn't even tread. The more I try to get rid of it the more it becomes like a ghost that just wouldn't stop haunting me. Add a troubled past to every day predicaments that keeps accumulating and soon you'll find yourself knee-deep in mess. Gloomy stuff but it's true.
As usual I'm struggling to find an equilibrium between something called everything. Sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel and walk away. I'm not sure how much longer can I try to hold myself together. The funny thing is, there are some out there who are in a much harsher situation than me and yet they keep going on come hell or high water. Still, whining won't do me any good. See I "know" that I have got to do something and I "understand" that if I keep on slacking things will get ugly pretty fast. Then comes the "realization" that I only get to live once and therefore I have to get my priorities right.
[Monologue] I guess it's inevitable for me to make mistakes in the future but I have to get over them quickly instead of dwelling in the past hoping all that never happened like I used to. After I've learnt my lessons I shall try my very best not to repeat the same mistakes again. It is crucial for me to remind myself from time to time of: the things that I've said today, the resolutions that I sought to achieve, the faith that I've always hold onto and the fact that I live not only for myself, but others too whom I care for or who care about me.
Anyway, glad to know that I won't be alone on this journey called life for I have you.
Having said all that, I think I ought to stop here before I get too carried away. By the way, I chose to name this post 领悟 because it has depth, doesn't necessarily mean that its content would be relevant.
p.s. I'm sorry.
How long has it been? Sometimes I have this feeling of disdain towards myself for being so selfish. I know I'm not supposed to vanish into thin air just like that but somehow I got lost. So many things have happened and ignorance brought me unspeakable guilt. I should have been there by your side. Should have. What's the point of saying it now huh?
Coming back to the song, its lyrics are actually pretty meaningful. However, it was the title that caught my attention - 领悟. For those who know Chinese or Mandarin Chinese to be precise, there're differences between 知道、了解 and 领悟. Correct me if I'm wrong but I guess it's fair for me to say that they each represent a different level of understanding and according to depth they should be arranged in this order: 知道 > 了解 > 领悟 where it gets deeper towards the end. So, what's so fascinating about it? Well, one has usually got to experience something in order for them to 领悟 and it just so happens to me that at this stage I have really got to be better at coming to realization with reality. Alas, with each passing day I become older but not wiser.
Everybody has a past: some choose to accept it, some try to deny it; some are happy with it, others, not so much. There are dark ages too in my history and some secrets are kept hidden in a place where I myself wouldn't even tread. The more I try to get rid of it the more it becomes like a ghost that just wouldn't stop haunting me. Add a troubled past to every day predicaments that keeps accumulating and soon you'll find yourself knee-deep in mess. Gloomy stuff but it's true.
As usual I'm struggling to find an equilibrium between something called everything. Sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel and walk away. I'm not sure how much longer can I try to hold myself together. The funny thing is, there are some out there who are in a much harsher situation than me and yet they keep going on come hell or high water. Still, whining won't do me any good. See I "know" that I have got to do something and I "understand" that if I keep on slacking things will get ugly pretty fast. Then comes the "realization" that I only get to live once and therefore I have to get my priorities right.
[Monologue] I guess it's inevitable for me to make mistakes in the future but I have to get over them quickly instead of dwelling in the past hoping all that never happened like I used to. After I've learnt my lessons I shall try my very best not to repeat the same mistakes again. It is crucial for me to remind myself from time to time of: the things that I've said today, the resolutions that I sought to achieve, the faith that I've always hold onto and the fact that I live not only for myself, but others too whom I care for or who care about me.
Anyway, glad to know that I won't be alone on this journey called life for I have you.
Having said all that, I think I ought to stop here before I get too carried away. By the way, I chose to name this post 领悟 because it has depth, doesn't necessarily mean that its content would be relevant.
p.s. I'm sorry.
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