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Troubled

Some people don’t like to be alone and I happen to be one of them. It makes one feel helpless and you wonder if there’s a purpose to your very existence. As a consequence, some surrender themselves to lifestyles that are filled with noise and excitement of all kind regardless of the consequences. Some choose to keep everything to themselves, thinking that if the world doesn’t care about me then why the hell should I give a damn about it? Personally, I do not belong to either of the mentioned category. Nevertheless, I do not enjoy loneliness because I tend to think too much whenever I feel that I have been left out. I feel vulnerable, I feel insecure, and I feel down when I’m faced with loneliness.

But sometimes, just sometimes, loneliness is good for one. It gives you a chance to reflect on life and identify its purpose. At the end of the day, one must realize that we are eventually on our own out there. Nobody can actually be there for you 24/7. Family is considered as close but they have their own duties to be carried out and the same goes for friends of varying degrees. For those who have faith in religion, God is with them all the time but the question is do they feel the presence of God every single moment? If one’s faith is not strong enough, I guess loneliness would be inevitable. Even if you own everything in the world, what good is it to you if you can find no true peace or happiness within? But then again, who am I to be giving lectures on life?

I admit that I am a person with many flaws. There are numerous occasions where I viewed everything in a negative way. Most of the time, it’s easier for me to hate rather than trying to understand because the latter takes a lot more effort and without knowing that by doing so, I’m actually being mean to myself as well as others. What the heck man? I’m pissed off and I have every right to take it out on everybody else but me. By now you would probably be cursing me for being such a selfish person but hey, I’m just an ordinary guy with flaws remember? I’m sorry if I have ever wronged you and that I might do that again in the future which I hope I wouldn’t but I really can’t tell. As I was saying earlier, I don’t like this thing called loneliness. That is why I cling on tightly to whatever that is around me tightly. The last thing I wanted was to sit here alone in my cell-like room and forcing myself to sleep just because I feel bored. Useless, I know. What kind of guy am I? Laugh and condemn all you want, I am still myself. One day I must wake up and face the reality but for now I wish to escape from reality whenever I feel like I am going to breakdown. This, my friend, is when loneliness comes in handy.

Comments

蓝之風 said…
Dude, always remember that you still have a close friend that you can find.....
February 27, 2010 at 5:20 PM
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